


Dear Sam

by eeyore1222



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 05:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9478100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eeyore1222/pseuds/eeyore1222
Summary: You are made of love by two mothers.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot get this voice of a mother telling stories to her daughter out of my head after reading Ted Chiang’s Story of Your Life. The voice in my head is that of Shaw’s.

Dear Sam

 

Your mom told me many years ago that when you reach 16, you will be so curious and determined to know everything about your origin. We are very sorry that neither she nor I would be there to tell the story to you. I know that there will be people, more capable and more willing, to perform that part: your uncle John and uncle Lionel, for example. Even your aunty Grace will do a better job than me. And I haven’t even come around to Gen. Your mom has foreseen that Gen would become a wonderful storyteller. Her prophecy never fails.

I suck at this. That much you already know. But your mom insists that you would love to hear the story from me. And I’ve always had trouble ignoring her advice.

You know her voice well. Your mom’s. It’s the voice that’s accompanied you since your birth, your “virtual” friend and enemy, playmate and teacher. She is your mother too, even though you took shape in my womb. She will tell you another version of the story in her own voice later, a much more detailed and accurate one, when you want to hear it. She can provide whatever information you need. She knows and remembers everything, a capacity that I do not have. But I think the story about us and you should come from me, since she can be quite biased in that regard.

We call her “Root”. Yes, you probably have already figured it out: “Root” is not just another name for “The Machine”, the smart house keeping system in our home. She is a person. She lurks in The Machine and doesn’t show herself very often. But we know she’s there, and that’s why your uncle Lionel sometimes gets in trouble with household devices. He calls the TV “Cocoa Puffs” and argues with “Banana Nut Crunch” the Roomba. When you were three, you told me one day that uncle Harold (you still remember him?) gave a person’s name to The Machine and called her “Ms Groves”. You thought it was so funny because that was a real name, a nanny name, just like what your friends would have in their homes. You were running around in the house, demanding “Ms Groves” do all kinds of stuff for you. You’ve probably forgotten about that incident but I remember. It is the only time I beat you. You wailed. I still feel sick about it. It was not your fault. I was angry at Harold and directed that anger at you. To be fair he was not the one to blame either. At that time he’d come to the point where he couldn’t tell the past and the present apart. He was very often lost in memories when your mom debated him a lot. Your mom can be very frustrating when she debates people and calling her “Ms Groves” is Harold’s coping mechanism.

You’ve always taken it for granted that your name comes from mine. But I named you “Sam” to honor her: Samantha Groves. That’s the name she had till she was 12, the same age as you are now. When I look at you, I can almost see a copy of her when she was young. Of course, if you want to give yourself a new name, just like she did when she decided at 12 years of age that she’d love to be “Root”, you go ahead and do that. I’d be happy to see you as your own product, rather than mine.

*

You take after her, your mom. In my entire life I prayed twice, to whatever god I don’t necessarily believe in. The second time I prayed for this, that you would look like her. I know it is a selfish wish on my part and you’ll just have to forgive me for that. When you are reading this, however, you’ve probably begun to appreciate the benefits of having her half of genetic material in you: you can make almost anyone do almost anything for you, just by tilting your head and smiling at them. As of this moment, at the age of 12, you don’t know that yet. Most of the time you think that you are not pretty enough and not very popular. You are not as tall as you want to be. All will have changed when you are 16. You should be thankful that I am not around when you are this big. If I were, all those boys going crazy for you would know the taste of terror. But I am sure that John is doing a good job supervising Lee and Taylor keeping that promise they once made to me. You are the one responsible for the intactness of those boys’ knees. You should tell them, at the very beginning of their attempts to get you on a date, that you have two big brothers working for the NYPD. However, I should probably be more worried about the damage you will wreak on them, considering that you’ve also got more of your wits from her side of the gene pool. You are raised in a very indulging environment. I’m concerned that they might have spoiled you. Girls would be attracted to you too and they are perhaps an even more serious concern than boys. You should remember that not only your brothers, but also you two uncles, are cops. John and Lionel are retired for many years now but they are held in high regard by their younger colleagues. Don’t do things in violation of the law. Don’t let them down. It is not something to be proud of to make people suffer just because you can.

The other half of genetic material in you comes from me. When you are 16, this has become a widely applied technology but when your mom and I made you, there were not enough cases done in the world for anyone to venture a guess at the rate of success. You are just like Root in this too: you make slim chances great by going at it hard. You are a success at our first try and to this day I still marvel at this miracle. You are made of love by two mothers: these are odd words coming from me. You too may feel weird hearing them in my voice. But it is the truth. There is no alternative way to tell it.

*

When we got married, we were not thinking about anything beyond the wedding ceremony. That was when I first prayed to whatever god I don’t necessarily believe in: I prayed that she not die when it was in progress. I prayed that there would be time, even if for just a second, when she was indeed my wife.

She was fatally injured and my chances didn’t look good. Your uncle Harold once asked me to let him tell you, when you are big enough to understand, everything that had led to that day. I said yes. It is not something I want to talk about anyway. I am happy to let him take over. Now that he is not around anymore you can go to your aunt Grace. She is a just as reliable source of information.

Two years later, your mom popped the suggestion that we should think about having a child. At first I thought it was a terrible idea. You see, neither of us is made of motherhood material. She might have been a little bit better equipped than me, but I already knew at the time that she was unable to stick around long enough to prove it. It felt cruel, her wish for us to bring a child into the world, since she had that knowledge too, more surely than I did even though I was the doctor. She tried persuading me with the following logic: she loves me and knows for certain that I love her; you will be just like her. You will love me like she does and be without a doubt, just like she is, assured of my love for you. Later you will hear many stories about Root just like this one. You will come to understand why she is always able to finally persuade people to accept, or at least understand, her way of looking at things. But this one is not such a case. I didn’t need persuasion. All I needed was some time for me to acknowledge the truth: for you I am willing to try my best to be a good mother and I will have great support in caring for you. Even when I’m gone, you will be amply loved, by the best people the human race has ever produced. Even if I cannot see it, I know that you will grow up to be one of them, a person that I truly admire and respect. If, other than a healthy, robust body there is one more thing I wish you’ve got from me, I hope it is this, that you admire and respect them just as I do. The fact that they are your family can hide their merits well. It is very important for you to remember this, as you will only become more and more aware of your own intellectual superiority. 

*

You will have to make some choices for yourself when you turn 18. The Machine will talk to you about this. The Machine is your mom’s best friend; she understands Root better than anyone (I have to admit that in a sense even more than I do). Root loves her, same as she loves us. You can trust the Machine. She loves you, same as we love you. You will learn about a truth, so vast that it is beyond anyone’s imagination. My guess is, you’ll have explored much of that territory all by yourself long before that. But as a parent, I wish that you wait till you’re legally an adult to make these serious life decisions. You are made for no other purpose than love. You’ll understand this better as you progress further along life’s paths, when you truly love. You have your gifts, passed on to you through us, rare and brilliant and uniquely yours. What you decide to do with them, however, is entirely up to you. You don’t have to shape your life to fit anyone’s expectation. I trust that John and Lionel will provide sound guidance when you need it. You can always talk to them when you need advice.

If you want to know more about your mom and The Machine from another source, Caleb Phipps is the best person to explain things to you after uncle Harold passed away. You should not put all your trust in Gen’s account. She writes spy novels and can be more than a little dramatic. Your mom has other friends too. Daiso, Daniel and Jason may know interesting anecdotes that even I am ignorant of.

You also will hear bizarre stories about me, most of them blown out of proportion. All I want you to know is this: those things that they say I did, they are not what makes me proud of my life. Giving birth to you is. My regret is that I have not been able to love you more, but I am doing the best I can. Root assures me that you will understand, same as she does. I take comfort in her words.

Don’t cry for us. Grow and live and be happy. Have a little more patience with yourself. You will find your way in the world. You are made of love by two mothers. You make us so proud.

 

Love,  
Maman


End file.
